Todd and I celebrated our anniversary last weekend by testing out mattresses. After 11 years of marriage we decided it was time to buy a new one. I remember when we bought our first mattress. Then too we were encourage to test them to decide which one we liked best. I felt awkward laying next to him without being married. Now I don't even notice. I'm so tired I zonk out in seconds!
After all of these years we have become extremely comfortable around each other and feel that we know each other well. Yet, a couple of weeks ago I began to wonder how well we actually know each other after reading an article about relationships in a magazine I got in the mail.
The article posed nine questions to discuss with your spouse to get to know each other better. So on Sunday while we went on a stroll with the kids around the park Todd and I discussed each of the answers openly and honestly.
These are the questions:
1. What causes your spouse to shut down and why?
2. What does your spouse de when he or she wants you to feel loved and appreciated?
3. What causes your spouse to feel loved and appreciated?
4. What allows your spoues to feel safe, open up, and talk freely about what matters most?
5. What does your spouse need to be happy, calm and centered?
6. What does your spouse do whe he or she is stressed, angry or sad?
7. What does your spouse love about you?
8. When does your spouse most need your undivided love and attention?
9. Is your spouse happy in marriage, work and life in general? If not, why?
It was refreshing to talk about things other than work, home and kids. It was especially good to focus on each other and our feelings. We seldom do that unless one of us is unhappy about something. It was almost like when we were first dating and getting to know each other. Although, I have to say, after 11
years there were very few things said that we didn't already know.
